Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
