During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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