He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
