My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
