I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
