You just made me feel so damn special
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
