She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
