WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
