so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
