I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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