just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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