First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
