my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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