I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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