I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
