It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
