i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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