There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
