he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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