i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
