He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did you just send me my own nude
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
