Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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