It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize