Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
