Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
