Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
