You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
