Your dad touched me again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize