I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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