time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
