The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
