the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
