Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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