3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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