No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
