So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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