i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
