How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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