His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
