I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
