he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize