My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
