Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
