Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
