shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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