Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
