somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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