Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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