So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
