your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
