highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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