Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize