you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
