# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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