OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
