dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
