Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
