Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
