i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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