he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
