guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
