I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
being pregnant is like rehab
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
