So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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