my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
