i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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