I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize