it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
