too bad you live with your parents still
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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